This week has been Mental Health Awareness Week, with the theme Surviving or Thriving, which is something which really resonates with me at the moment.
My mental and physical health are so so connected, if I’m feeling physically low, I’m usually feeling mentally low, and very very anxious. I worry about everything when I’m ill. Those times I am definitely only surviving. Everything goes into managing the basics, making sure I am at least eating and drinking.
Aside from those times, when I most definitely am not, I find it really hard to know when I’m thriving. From someone else’s point of view, I’m thriving. I’ve almost finished my degree, I go places and achieve things. But for me, a lot of the time it still feels like I’m just putting one foot in front of the other. I have hours, or days where I feel really happy, where I know I’m thriving, but looking back I find it hard to remember them.
Looking back I always remember the negatives, which is really sad. I know, a few weeks ago, I had a lovely weekend out. If I think really hard I remember the good bits. But at first thought, I remember almost fainting at a train station. I remember being sick. I remember almost fainting again. I don’t remember thriving, I remember fighting just to survive.