As I mentioned here I have a massively exciting opportunity coming up next week. And it’s safe to say, I am terrified. Not of the event, it’s only chatting to a few politicians after all, but of the whole day. 6 hours of travelling. 4 hours of having to stand up and socialise.
It’s hit or miss whether my body will hold out. I’ve planned the best I can, I’m getting taxis instead of buses, I’ve requested assistance where I can, but it’s still a massive ask, and I don’t know how it’ll go.
This isn’t the first time I’ve had this problem, and I know it won’t be the last. Every time I’m planning a big event, a trip away from home, a holiday, especially if I’m travelling alone, I have the same fears, because put simply, I don’t trust my body.
I don’t trust that I won’t faint in the middle of nowhere. I don’t trust that I won’t get brain fog and end up lost. I don’t trust that my joints will hold out and I’ll be able to walk. I don’t trust that I won’t get really dizzy and sick and be unable to leave a random bathroom. I don’t trust that my body just won’t give out on me.
Add to that the general uselessness of British transport, my student-ness meaning a lack of money if I do get stranded, and general anxiety, and I’m in a right mess. Every time I leave my house I take supplies, snacks, extra medication, phone charger, anything in case I get stuck.
All I hope is that one day, when I’m more used to my health, this will get easier. Because for now, leaving my flat for more than a few hours is terrifying.
Does anyone else feel the same? Does anyone have any advice?