It’s very rare that I post anything on the internet any more, let alone anything so personal, but this is something I want to share, to raise awareness.
Three weeks ago I was just your average 21-year-old uni student, I’ve never been massively sporty but always relatively healthy, I was being treated for anxiety, and on what seemed to be an ever-rising dose of an anti-depressant, with little effect, but overall I was quite well. I’d been looking at house-mistressing jobs in boarding schools for when I graduate, and was set certain that was what I was going to do.
I don’t want to make this sound like a big drama, because it wasn’t, but one day, middle of January-ish, my mum messaged me with an article she’d read, Deliciously Ella talking about a condition she suffers from called PoTS (Postural Tachycardia Syndrome, you can read more here). I had a look, and it sounds like a cliché, but everything just fell into place. Every single symptom on that list fitted, things I’d been experiencing for years, but had put down to anxiety, or the side effects of medication, or being a lazy student, and some things I didn’t even realise weren’t normal for everyone!
I booked an appointment with my GP for that afternoon, and luckily she agreed with me, I know it can take some people years to get someone to take them seriously. She referred me for an ECG and blood test to rule out any other conditions, which as I’m writing this, I will receive the results of later today (update: I’m being referred on to the cardiology department at the hospital for more tests).
In the meantime, I’ve been doing my own research, watching a few YouTubers who discuss the condition and generally trying to make sense of it all. I’m going to talk a lot more about my symptoms and how I’m managing the condition as time goes on, but the last few weeks have been a real shock. I never considered there could be something very wrong going on, something that wasn’t just going to go away, and I have to be honest, I’m scared. Everyone keeps telling me not to change my life, I’ve been living and coping with this condition for years, and I know that’s true, but giving it a name makes it real. Having said that, it’s also a relief, I’m not going insane, I’m not weak and lazy, my body just doesn’t work quite right, and I can fix that.